I've been debating about writing this blog entry for a while, so I decided to take advantage of this snow day and just DO it. I know LOTS of people have given the *tsk tsk tsk* head shake when they see me now because I have gained so much of my weight back. So I wanted to explain.
Many of you who will probably read this followed me back in 2011-2012 on my weight loss journey. You might remember that in 2011 Kerri (sort of) surprised me with "Hey. I'm getting married in eight months!" I immediately went into panic mode thinking of the thousands of things that had to be done before May 2012. On the top of the list was LOSE WEIGHT. I adopted the mantra "I will not be a heifer at my daughter's wedding." That statement drove me every day. I completely stopped eating sweets (except for an occasional bowl of cereal). I didn't even eat any of her wedding cake!! I started jogging, well sort of walking/jogging, and I built up to where I was doing 3 miles about 4 times a week. When I would hit a milestone, 10 lbs., 20, 30, 40, and finally the BIG one, 50 lbs., I shared the success with my facebook friends. I received constant encouragement from co-workers and friends at church as well as family. The weight really just dropped off of me since I was so diligent about my diet and exercise. Although I didn't reach my goal weight by Kerri's wedding, I was still pretty pleased with how I looked. And I kept the weight off. For a while. I continued to avoid sweets, and THEN.....
The holidays rolled around. It was difficult to turn down all the yummy sweet stuff that always abounds at the holidays in 2011, but I had my mantra constantly playing in my head. I had a goal. I was determined! But in 2012, I didn't have that end goal driving me anymore. The wedding was over. I had not been a heifer. Didn't matter as much anymore. And my addiction took over again. In one of my other blog posts, I talked about the fact that I am a sugar addict. I can't eat just ONE cookie; I eat six. I won't eat A Krispy Kreme doughnut, I'll eat three. Very slowly, I started slipping sweet stuff back into my life.
Then, in 2013, another major life event happened. My precious Nugget, Karson, was born! I was so blessed with the opportunity to be with Kerri and Mark when Karson was born and for a couple of weeks after. It was summer time, and they live in a beautiful little town that is very conducive to walking. There is this awesome park just a short distance from their house. I did walk several times while I was in Kentucky. However, also a short distance from their house, is a cute little ice cream shop that had the most incredible milk shakes!!Now, I could pass on ice cream any day of the week, but milk shakes....THAT'S another story. I have jokingly said that I gained more weight than Kerri did because of Karson.
The rest of the summer went by and I could find very little motivation to do anything but mope around the house. I was depressed because I was not able to be around my new grandson. The more I thought about how little I was going to get to see him, the more depressed I got. I KNOW I should have used exercise to alleviate that depression, but I didn't. You know what's coming, right? Yep. Food. And lots of it.
So I was back to my horrible eating habits. In addition to THAT, two things happened to mess up my exercise. I did something to my knee (those who know me, know that I have bad knees anyway) and it was starting to hurt pretty much daily again, AND something messed up on our treadmill. It started slipping or something. (It's still doing that, BTW, If anyone has a suggestion as to how to fix it, I would appreciate it!) So, I was not able to walk/jog anymore. And that, my friends, is the recipe for weight gain for this fat girl.
By November (right before Thanksgiving) I decided to weigh and see how much damage I had done to myself. I had regained 20 lbs. Bad, but not horrible. I figured I could get that back off pretty easily. Yeah..I was wrong. Around that same time, I paid a little visit to my doctor. She asked me how things were going. I said, "Well, if you don't count me crying at the drop of a hat or wanting to rip somebody's head off pretty much daily, I'm fine." We had talked before about a little "medicinal" help with my hormones/anxiety/stress/mood issues, but Rog really didn't want me taking any kind of medicine like that. I came to the point, however, that IT.HAD.TO.HAPPEN!!! I was driving myself coco puffs!!! So Doc. gave me a prescription to try. It only took about a week for me to notice a difference. I noticed a real difference the first time I encountered a situation which would normally cause me to burst into tears and run and hide. I actually handled said situation very calmly. It was WILD!! WHOA!! I'm reacting like a normal human being!! COOL!! So I was pretty thrilled with the meds. About a month later, right after Christmas, I started noticing that none of my clothes fit. At all. Everything was too tight! I knew I had enjoyed Thanksgiving and Christmas for all they were worth, but I didn't think I had done THAT badly. So I weighed. OH.MY. WORD. I about threw up right there on the scale. I had gained 15lbs!!!! IN FOUR WEEKS!!!! Remember, I had only gained 20lbs from May of 2012 to November of 2013. And now, I had gained almost that much in ONE MONTH!!! I about died!! What in the world was going on???? One morning, I was sitting on the couch at 2:30 berating myself for being such a fatty again, a light went on in my brain. "Hello?? Do you think this could be because of the medicine you're taking?" I immediately just KNEW that was the problem. Fortunately, I was supposed to go back to the doctor for a recheck just a couple of days later. When I told her how much weight I had gained, she didn't believe me. So she had me weigh. According to her scale, I had only gained 11lbs. Yippy. ONLY 11! But that was enough for her to let me try another medicine. A short time after that, I went to see my primary care doc. I took the original meds to show her what I had been taking. She chuckled and said, "Yeah. The fat and happy pill." GREAT. JUST GREAT!!!!
One thing I forgot to mention was that 3 days after Christmas, I decided to get back on the wagon, so to speak. I cut out sweets, again. I have slipped just a couple of times. (Peanut butter bars are completely irresistible!!) But for the most part, I've been "sweets free". Unfortunately, I have not resumed walking. Also unfortunately, this new medicine doesn't seem to work as well as the first one and I am continuing to gain weight.
So...I guess I have a decision to make. I'm either going to have to settle for being a happy fatty, or go back to being a more slender witch. Quite a difficult decision to make. So for now, I am just going to be fat again...naturally.
