I have a confession to make.....
Man....this is going to be hard......
I don't want to say it.....
You're going to be SOOOOOO disappointed in me......
Oh yes you are!!! I was VERY disappointed in me!!!!
I know....I know...just get it out.....
Well here it is.......
About two weeks ago......
(DEEP BREATH......)
I had a Nestle Plastic Bar......
There. I admitted it. BUT WAIT.... that's not all.... a couple of days ago....
I found some fun size Snickers bars in my freezer. Have NO idea how long they have been in there....
I ate TWO of them. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I TOLD you you were going to be disappointed in me!!!
HOLD ON!!!! HOLD ON!!!!!! If you are not TOTALLY disgusted with me and you are still reading...let me say some things.
Many of you who have been following my weight loss journey, know that back in August of last year (WHOA!!!! It's been a whole YEAR!!!!) I decided to give up sweets. Because, you see, I am a sweets addict. Just like with any addiction, sweets had control of my life. That is why I weighed ### pounds. I knew that I could not eat ANY kind of sweets and get control of my life. And honestly, I did really well. I have turned down Krispy Kreme doughnuts (the food of angels, I'm convinced), I've turned down Nana's Banana Pudding (she's not really MY nana, but that what most people call her, and she makes THE BOMB banana pudding, which I am CERTAIN will be in heaven!!), and I have even turned down my daughter's wedding cake (which was white cake with REAL buttercream icing, which, once-upon-a-time I could have lived on for three meals a day!!). Even now, as I sit here typing this, my mouth is WATERING thinking about how those things USED to taste. And I gave it ALL up!!! I wouldn't even go for the fat-free/sugar-free yummy desserts my family members have made for different functions because I KNEW that would just make my body CRAVE the "real thing" all the more.
So, I'm pretty sure you are sitting there right now saying, "So WHHHHYYYY Kim???? WHHHHYYYY did you fall off the wagon???"
The simple, and most direct answer is...I have no clue. Let me go back to that day a few weeks ago. I'm not sure of the exact day (I think it was maybe a Saturday). I do remember being a little stressed for some reason, but that's not really unusual for me. I had to run out to Fred's to get something. And I was standing in line....and there it was....that hideous CANDY counter!! Those marketing guys REALLY know how to put it to ya in the check out line. I was waiting and waiting and the little boy at the register was taking FOR-EVER...and I had a LOT of time to think about which one of those delectable treats I wanted to grab. I used to always LOVE the Nestle Crunch bar. I have never been one for plain chocolate, but put some little crunchy things in it, and MAN oh MAN!! So, I grabbed it!! I threw it down on the conveyor belt and immediately started beating myself up!! It's not like I hadn't fought that SAME battle a THOUSAND times in the last year. Back in the day, it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to go to Walmart without getting a candy bar when I went through the check out line. I mean, it just DIDN'T happen!! So...here I was. Slipping back into my old life. I was SO upset with myself. Not upset enough to put that candy bar BACK on the shelf though!!
So...I get out in the van, and you KNOW what happened!! I tore into that candy bar like I had not eaten in 15 days!!! I ate about 1/3 of it in one bite. As I was swallowing it, I was thinking "this tastes like PLASTIC!!" But what did I do??? Kept eating of course!! I ate another 1/3 and thought " this REALLY does NOT taste good! Why am I eating it?" And you guessed it....I crammed the last bit of it in my mouth! I remember thinking as I swallowed the last of the candy " that tasted like chocolate covered plastic!". I experienced SEVERAL emotions on my drive home. I was VERY disappointed in myself because I fell off the wagon. I was VERY angry with myself, and I was really BUMMED that the candy bar tasted gross!! I mean, if I was going to backslide and eat something sweet, at least it should TASTE good!! But it didn't! So I beat myself up for a while over that episode. Then, I picked back up on the NO SWEETS FOR KIM way of life.
I need to add this thought here though, because I know there are SO many of my friends out there who are trying to lose weight or just eat healthier or whatever. I told you in my other posts, for ME, it was COLD TURKEY all the way on the sweets because those were my trigger foods. Those were the things I just couldn't get enough of. Those were the things I would eat until I literally made myself sick. So they had to GO. I have had SO many people tell me "I just can't do that." and my response?
"Oh but yes you CAN!!" Sweets are not like protein or water. Your body doesn't HAVE to have sweets. So YES, YOU CAN get rid of them!!!! HOWEVER IT IS HARD!!!!!!
And that brings me to this past Friday night. It was a quiet night. Kelly was at a volleyball tournament. Rog was out mowing the grass. I was just hangin out watching my Guy on DD&D. And I started CRAVING something sweet. I mean oooeeeyyy, gooey sweet. And then I remembered seeing them in the freezer. Snickers candy bars!!!! They were the little bitty ones, so I figured two would be ok. Again, I have NO IDEA how long those things had been in there! I had to microwave them for over a minute just to get them to where they wouldn't break my teeth off!! And then I ate them. Four bites. Gone. Again. Disappointment. At least this time they didn't taste like plastic! BUT...I think I paid mightily for that 15 second relapse. I was sick at my stomach ALL DAY Saturday!! I am convinced it was because of those two stupid little chunks of sweet poison!
Do I have a point here? Yes. Battling food addiction is TOUGH. It is just like any other addiction. You will have cravings. You will "fall off the wagon" occasionally. The key is....get back on. Learn from the misstep, and get back on! Two times in the last several weeks, I have failed. And I really beat myself up over it too. But you know what? I'm over it now...especially since I have had this cathartic conversation with you all!! Does that mean I am not thinking about those Double Stuff Oreos that are in the pantry right now? Ummmm...NOOOOOO. (Of course I really don't like the cookie part...I only eat the filling)Anyway!!!! What it means is that I have to REFOCUS and remember that my body CAN NOT handle sweets. I also have to constantly remind myself that those things simply DO NOT taste as delightful as they used to. And I am LOVIN the "new" me. I'm still only 50 pounds down, but can I just tell ya?? I HATED those 50 pounds and I NEVER, EVER, EVER want to see them again!!!!
So now... I am going to press on toward my goal with no guilt in my heart and no chocolate on my fingers.
Easy?? No way.
Worth it?? Absolutely!!!
Stay healthy my friends! and Press on!!! because remember "YES, YOU CAN!!!"
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
No. Teachers don't have a secret hand sanitizer fetish.
I love my job. I REALLY do. I have thought many times of changing careers, but when I sit down and think about what I would actually DO...I come up empty. There's nothing else I WANT to do in my life. I mean really...who WOULDN'T want to spend 168 or 170 or whatever it is this year, days with hormone ravaged 7th graders?? No two days are EVER the same. GEEZ...no two CLASSES are ever the same!! It's great!! I never get bored...that's for SURE!
With all that said...I REALLY dislike the beginning of school...no...not strong enough...I HATE the beginning of school. There are several reasons why.
First, I LOATHE mornings. You know how you always hear parents (including me) say "nothing good happens after midnight"? Well, nothing good happens before 9:00AM either!! My brain usually begins to function about then. I can definitely tell you my name by then, most of the time. Usually, I can make rational, logical decisions by 9:00AM. But before then? No promises. So for me to have to get up and be out of the house by 7:00AM??? That is CRAZY. SOMEBODY needs to come up with a second shift school. Maybe not even a real second shift. Maybe just one that starts at say, 10:00AM. That would be AWESOME!! I hate mornings. So that's reason #1.
Reason #2 is sorta related to #1. Mornings at my house are stressful. For the last six years, I have DREADED the beginning of school because two of my three girls are just like me. They hate mornings too! It was REALLY bad when Kerri was in school and we would have to be out of the house early. WHOA. Don't even want to THINK about those days! Now, it's just Kelly. She is not a morning person either. She also doesn't have a real good concept of time. Her 5 minutes and my 5 minutes are NOT the same 300 seconds. While SHE thinks she only needs about 20 minutes to get ready, in reality, it's more like 45 minutes. So I'm sitting in the van, ready to GO, and she's still brushing her teeth. And my ever chipper, nothing-wrong-with-mornings, let's-get-this-day-started, do-more-before-the-sun-comes-up-than-most-people-do-all-day hubby, doesn't understand ANY of this. And he gets frustrated with both of us! So...I hate the beginning of school because of all the STRESS I know it's going to bring.
Another reason I hate the beginning of school is because of all the MONEY involved! It is dang expensive to start school. Of course you have the obvious new clothes, shoes, and basic school supplies that every kid has to have. That's a WAD of cash right there. If your kid happens to be involved in any kind of school sports or activities, there are ALWAYS fees connected with that. (Almost $200 for volleyball, and that does NOT even count new shoes or anything! ) But...I want my kid to be able to play the sport she loves, so I'm gonna have to drop the cash. Simple as that.
But it doesn't stop there. There are parking fees, supply fees, and locker fees. That's another $60-$70.
(STOP!! INSERT SOUND OF SCREECHING BRAKES AND RED FLASHING LIGHTS!!!! I'm changing hats here. Taking off the "mom" hat and putting on the "teacher" hat. Ok...continue reading)
Now, since we're talking about money and school and stuff (well, I'M talking about...you are reading about it)...let's talk about those ridiculous supply fees that parents are asked to pay. I would venture to say that EVERY parent, at the beginning of EVERY school year, gets very aggravated at being asked to pay somewhere between $50-$75 for "supply fees" at their kids school, and then ALSO being given a teacher "supply list", none of which includes the student's personal supplies they have already bought. I know. I used to get aggravated too....until I became a teacher. I think a lot of the aggravation comes from lack of understanding of how things work in a classroom. So...I'm going to try to shed a little light on the subject. No, it's not going to make it any easier to write out that check, but maybe it will help someone out there at least understand why those fees are necessary.
Now remember, I am a middle school teacher, so I can ONLY speak from middle school experience. But I have LOTS of friends who are elementary teachers, and their situation is very much the same as ours.
Ok. here we go. Let's say your student is going to be in my 7th grade language arts class this year. He/she is in my homeroom, so I am going to be the one collecting his fees. The total amount of his fees will include locker, agenda, and FIVE classes. I don't remember the EXACT amount of our supply fee last year, but let's just say $50 for the sake of example. That $50 is broken down like this:
$15=locker fee (goes to school account for maintenance, upkeep, etc...)
$5= agenda (this is an EXTREMELY important tool for students AND parents. We use them every day!!)
$10= science (you know those cool labs that your student talks about...like the one with eggs and vinegar and stuff?? Those supplies for those labs don't just magically appear in the teacher's closet! They have to be purchased.)
$5=math
$5= language arts
$5=social studies
$5=connections
So what would, say, a language arts teacher need with that kind of money? Well, here are some things I could buy with my classroom money: colored paper (for MANY different projects I do throughout the year), scissors, glue, colored pencils, tape, staples, pencils, pens, supplemental reading books, computer software,educational posters, magazine subscriptions, website subscriptions...do I need to go on? There are a TON of things I could do with "that kind of money." But you have to remember, out of possibly 100 students, I MAY get 1/3 who actually pay ALL their fees. I might get $250 in supply money. But you know how expensive things are! That $250 doesn't go very far.
Here's something else I want to point out...actually two things: One-all of the above mentioned items are for STUDENTS. Anything I use my classroom money for is for STUDENTS in some way. It may not be something they put their hands on directly, but if I spend that money, there will be SOME connection to the students in the room.
The other thing I want to point out is that you should notice things like tissues, paper towels, hand sanitizer, and individually wrapped candy are not on that list. We can not use class room money to but THOSE kinds of supplies. Now think with me...100+students in a room over the course of a day, in the middle of "cold" season...what's going to be happening? LOTS of sniffles...LOTS of sneezes...LOTS of germs! It is really NOT unheard of for me to go through a box of tissues every two days during the height of cold season. Does EVERY SINGLE STUDENT use a tissue EVERY day? Of course not. Are there some students who NEVER use a Kleenex from the box on my desk? Probably. Am I going to keep track of which students did and which did not bring in supplies at the beginning of the year and NOT let the ones who didn't bring in anything NOT have a tissue if they need one? PLEASE don't be RIDICULOUS!!! The point is...we go through a LOT of expendable supplies throughout the year. I, as a teacher, can not afford to keep a closet full of tissues. I just can't. That's why we ask for parent's help. White board markers get used up. What do we do when we run out of them? Kleenex get used up. What do I do when I don't have any tissues on my desk and I have a kid with a runny nose? I have to send that kid to the restroom to take care of business. If he/she is out of my room, he/she is missing something. I DON'T LIKE THAT!!! I don't want kids out of my room unless absolutely necessary!
Is this making sense? Do you understand that we teachers don't have a thing for hand sanitizer? We just want to have the best possible environment for YOUR student. That's all. And unfortunately, doing that costs money.
INSERT VERY DEEP BREATH HERE....
Whew!!! I've said a LOT....and it's mid-afternoon. I think I'm going to go enjoy my last few days of vacation before I have to start setting that wicked alarm clock!
CIAO friends!!
With all that said...I REALLY dislike the beginning of school...no...not strong enough...I HATE the beginning of school. There are several reasons why.
First, I LOATHE mornings. You know how you always hear parents (including me) say "nothing good happens after midnight"? Well, nothing good happens before 9:00AM either!! My brain usually begins to function about then. I can definitely tell you my name by then, most of the time. Usually, I can make rational, logical decisions by 9:00AM. But before then? No promises. So for me to have to get up and be out of the house by 7:00AM??? That is CRAZY. SOMEBODY needs to come up with a second shift school. Maybe not even a real second shift. Maybe just one that starts at say, 10:00AM. That would be AWESOME!! I hate mornings. So that's reason #1.
Reason #2 is sorta related to #1. Mornings at my house are stressful. For the last six years, I have DREADED the beginning of school because two of my three girls are just like me. They hate mornings too! It was REALLY bad when Kerri was in school and we would have to be out of the house early. WHOA. Don't even want to THINK about those days! Now, it's just Kelly. She is not a morning person either. She also doesn't have a real good concept of time. Her 5 minutes and my 5 minutes are NOT the same 300 seconds. While SHE thinks she only needs about 20 minutes to get ready, in reality, it's more like 45 minutes. So I'm sitting in the van, ready to GO, and she's still brushing her teeth. And my ever chipper, nothing-wrong-with-mornings, let's-get-this-day-started, do-more-before-the-sun-comes-up-than-most-people-do-all-day hubby, doesn't understand ANY of this. And he gets frustrated with both of us! So...I hate the beginning of school because of all the STRESS I know it's going to bring.
Another reason I hate the beginning of school is because of all the MONEY involved! It is dang expensive to start school. Of course you have the obvious new clothes, shoes, and basic school supplies that every kid has to have. That's a WAD of cash right there. If your kid happens to be involved in any kind of school sports or activities, there are ALWAYS fees connected with that. (Almost $200 for volleyball, and that does NOT even count new shoes or anything! ) But...I want my kid to be able to play the sport she loves, so I'm gonna have to drop the cash. Simple as that.
But it doesn't stop there. There are parking fees, supply fees, and locker fees. That's another $60-$70.
(STOP!! INSERT SOUND OF SCREECHING BRAKES AND RED FLASHING LIGHTS!!!! I'm changing hats here. Taking off the "mom" hat and putting on the "teacher" hat. Ok...continue reading)
Now, since we're talking about money and school and stuff (well, I'M talking about...you are reading about it)...let's talk about those ridiculous supply fees that parents are asked to pay. I would venture to say that EVERY parent, at the beginning of EVERY school year, gets very aggravated at being asked to pay somewhere between $50-$75 for "supply fees" at their kids school, and then ALSO being given a teacher "supply list", none of which includes the student's personal supplies they have already bought. I know. I used to get aggravated too....until I became a teacher. I think a lot of the aggravation comes from lack of understanding of how things work in a classroom. So...I'm going to try to shed a little light on the subject. No, it's not going to make it any easier to write out that check, but maybe it will help someone out there at least understand why those fees are necessary.
Now remember, I am a middle school teacher, so I can ONLY speak from middle school experience. But I have LOTS of friends who are elementary teachers, and their situation is very much the same as ours.
Ok. here we go. Let's say your student is going to be in my 7th grade language arts class this year. He/she is in my homeroom, so I am going to be the one collecting his fees. The total amount of his fees will include locker, agenda, and FIVE classes. I don't remember the EXACT amount of our supply fee last year, but let's just say $50 for the sake of example. That $50 is broken down like this:
$15=locker fee (goes to school account for maintenance, upkeep, etc...)
$5= agenda (this is an EXTREMELY important tool for students AND parents. We use them every day!!)
$10= science (you know those cool labs that your student talks about...like the one with eggs and vinegar and stuff?? Those supplies for those labs don't just magically appear in the teacher's closet! They have to be purchased.)
$5=math
$5= language arts
$5=social studies
$5=connections
So what would, say, a language arts teacher need with that kind of money? Well, here are some things I could buy with my classroom money: colored paper (for MANY different projects I do throughout the year), scissors, glue, colored pencils, tape, staples, pencils, pens, supplemental reading books, computer software,educational posters, magazine subscriptions, website subscriptions...do I need to go on? There are a TON of things I could do with "that kind of money." But you have to remember, out of possibly 100 students, I MAY get 1/3 who actually pay ALL their fees. I might get $250 in supply money. But you know how expensive things are! That $250 doesn't go very far.
Here's something else I want to point out...actually two things: One-all of the above mentioned items are for STUDENTS. Anything I use my classroom money for is for STUDENTS in some way. It may not be something they put their hands on directly, but if I spend that money, there will be SOME connection to the students in the room.
The other thing I want to point out is that you should notice things like tissues, paper towels, hand sanitizer, and individually wrapped candy are not on that list. We can not use class room money to but THOSE kinds of supplies. Now think with me...100+students in a room over the course of a day, in the middle of "cold" season...what's going to be happening? LOTS of sniffles...LOTS of sneezes...LOTS of germs! It is really NOT unheard of for me to go through a box of tissues every two days during the height of cold season. Does EVERY SINGLE STUDENT use a tissue EVERY day? Of course not. Are there some students who NEVER use a Kleenex from the box on my desk? Probably. Am I going to keep track of which students did and which did not bring in supplies at the beginning of the year and NOT let the ones who didn't bring in anything NOT have a tissue if they need one? PLEASE don't be RIDICULOUS!!! The point is...we go through a LOT of expendable supplies throughout the year. I, as a teacher, can not afford to keep a closet full of tissues. I just can't. That's why we ask for parent's help. White board markers get used up. What do we do when we run out of them? Kleenex get used up. What do I do when I don't have any tissues on my desk and I have a kid with a runny nose? I have to send that kid to the restroom to take care of business. If he/she is out of my room, he/she is missing something. I DON'T LIKE THAT!!! I don't want kids out of my room unless absolutely necessary!
Is this making sense? Do you understand that we teachers don't have a thing for hand sanitizer? We just want to have the best possible environment for YOUR student. That's all. And unfortunately, doing that costs money.
INSERT VERY DEEP BREATH HERE....
Whew!!! I've said a LOT....and it's mid-afternoon. I think I'm going to go enjoy my last few days of vacation before I have to start setting that wicked alarm clock!
CIAO friends!!
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